Barbed

Envious I feel when I see it flow
From another mind
That doesn’t belong to mine
The red glow of mystical power
Hypnotising the darkest shades of my shadow

I stretch my hand
To feel the warmth of the fire
That rests atop the mounted carvings
Of good and evil
That surpasses their embodiment

A splinter scorches my soul
Charring a hole in the heart
Reminding me of the magnificence
My thoughts held,
An aeon ago
When I let them loose
To traverse on fields
That knew no boundaries

Today they lie fenced
With invisible barbs
I fear to cross
For its been days I looked that way
A lesser travelled road
With grass as viscous as the sand
That passes through the gaps
Between the fingers
If tightly held

Yet envious I feel
When it flows
From another mind ….. that isn’t mine
Slightly nudging the cup of life
Filled to the brim
With choices to make
Between freedom and entanglement

When The Clouds Open

When the skies become dark
And the rays are fighting hard
To find a way to permeate to the ground
I look up to see the envelope
That seeps through my mood
Somber in its feel, a sniffle on the build
Eye to eye all that meets is a blanket
Black as the hole, grey as the smoke
Fluffed at the center, with a silver tint
That glows at the far edges
Beyond the horizon

It’s when the clouds open
I see a face on the far left
Look down upon me with a grimace
Pain in the look and a pout in shape
Like I perceive it
Yet there’s serenity on the hold
From the sparkles that filter from much above
Blessing the parting formation
At the crest of the darkness

The wider I open myself
I see the pit down below
While disbelief and dismay catches the better of me
Quick as the lightening
I crinkle my forehead
And close myself tight
But now I see the silver lining
Sharp is the glow
Abruptly forcing to open up

A hesitant sounding head
Unsure what it will encounter
When the eyes meet once again
Of the self and the Lord

Stands surprised
Of a face bathing with kindness
Assuring a passage
That lies amidst
A glistening silver bay

 

 

Juxtaposed

For the dirt you create of me
For the non-responsive look you hold
Distant eyes overlooking my being
Bleed and angst in my heart
Volley of anger words spit at you
Accusation and more of hatred
Every thought minced with unreasonable feelings of mistrust
Spontaneous likelihood of worst predictions
Dislike of the source of acquaintance
Despair in the eyes, shaken voice
And full blown an emotional burst

Lost and damaged it is
Two people, you and I
Not affected so we assume
The face says a slow wither
The mind says a lot rapidly
We have nothing to do with each other
But the body sways towards one another
The nerves say, hang on!

Dirt belongs to the soil and earth
Bland may be the perception
Tired eyes look for a place to rest
Far away from the routine
The fluid is the pumping energy
That pushes not to stop
As anxiety gets a better grab
When I say nothing at all,
The words rarely perpetuate
Totally spaced out to receive an appreciation
Let alone accusation
Communication or a miss of it
All that takes trust to dwindle
Negativity emerges, when the devil within refuses to negotiate
It’s a matter of minute’s likes and dislikes
That takes the final shape

A transformation rare a feat
But makes the world so much more beautiful
Than it were
With us now standing at the same side of the stream
There you go beating my heart again

Addiction As They Say

The smell of it intoxicates my brain
I can feel my throbbing pulse push my body out
The pressure more than what I can handle
Pushing me to the edge of a burst out
I can feel it falling apart
How badly I still try to hold it tight

The warm blood racing through my mind and to my heart
Burning me from within the flames of angst
As desperation strengthens its grip over me
The desire to get it just this one time for the craving
Tomorrow would begin the process of halting the compulsion
And the thousands of time I go over it in my head
Of not falling to temptations

The mere sight and sense of which
Makes me weak from inside
The inner drool for want of more
Despite the waste it creates of me
And the hollow dump that keeps pilling up

The restlessness when I strive past its prick
The gasping moment of rejection
A dejected me with my soul synchronizing to the tear
Of the crossover the stab dug on my chest

Killing life forms inside out
Screaming my insecurity at the picking hand
Broken hearts of people who care for me
Shattered dreams, I once built for self

Addiction as they say
Kills it all
Much before the coffin closes at the face

Ink Infuse

The smell of the royal blue
That is all pumped and ready to engrave
Gives me a whiff of dilating liquid
Filling my desires with the infuse
Of aroma and reflection
In a body of metal and tube

The flow comes easy
When I have a thousand words to say
Stopping at a point
Scribbling on dog ears, making swirls
When I’m not sure
How to put it right

It knows it all when I hold it upright
And yearns to be uncapped
When lying besides those astray pages
To share my moments every minute
I plan to say it to you

Surprisingly I don’t feel the need to get vocal
When it is around
For it knows me all too well
Shedding gallons of its soul
Blotting my layered pages, deep inside
When I have tears in my eyes
I hide from you

It surely knows it all
When to leave that fragrance on the sheets you read
And when to leave a mark of ink on my fingers
Debarring me to trod further down the memory lane

Anything For You

Part – 1

“Why do I have to go anyplace? Cannot I just be home, and maybe sleep away the evening?” whined Gauri before her mom. The reply was a ‘No’ which upset Gauri to all limits. So Gauri had to comply with the idea of going out with her cousin and brother-in-law to wherever they decided to hang out. A well deserved change and some fun after college just finished and she decided to head to Mumbai.

The next thing Gauri knew was that her cousin and their big friends circle decided to meet in a pub and enjoy the evening. The thought brought dismay to her face, and she kept wondering how she would kill time; especially when she didn’t particularly appreciate any of her cousins’ friends.

The fun and the twitter that filled the pub every place just added on to the restlessness. Gauri’s thoughts kept meandering towards Shefali who was supposed to be in Mumbai, and they were supposed to spend the weekend together. When she couldn’t help out the boredom setting it, she decided to chit chat around with the pub guys on the counter. And gradually she spoke to those guys and enquired about their lives, profession and how did they land up in such places. At odd times a few guys tried checking her out, but she gave cold stares, which made them leave immediately.

Jatin was busy staring at this girl sitting at the counter, who looked splendid in the pinkish dress she wore with cargo pants and the curls that fell over her shoulder. What appeared more intriguing was that nobody accompanied her, and she was sipping water from Bisleri bottles. People who accompanied Jatin noticed the overt glances he kept giving that end. Jatin managed to coax his friend Sameer, to accompany him till there and help him strike a conversation.

As per the plan, Jatin would somehow begin with something, and signal Sameer to join them, who would be introduced as Rohan. People had suppressed giggles, wondering howcome Sameer succumbed to such misadventures proposed by Jatin.

Jatin approached Gauri and stood next to her asking for a cocktail, and with lots of efforts managed to strike the conversation. Gauri seemed disinterested, but tried being nice as she started getting worked up with the idea of fun getting all tipsy. When Jatin couldn’t go beyond knowing the name, and she’d just finished her Bachelors; he made the signal.

Sameer pretended to ask for another cocktail, while Jatin introduced him to her, as Rohan. Gauri kept staring at the guy, for a while that maybe lasted a minute and extended her hand and said, “Hi, you are Sameer Kothari! I just read that article about you published in last weeks Sunday Magazine”. Jatin didn’t know which direction to look at and he simply walked away, with Sameer following him smiling all the way.

The later part of the day at the pub, some annoying guy came around Gauri trying to get really social. She couldn’t put up with it any longer, and twisted his arm and jerked on his knee; to get him pinned on the floor and shouted to back off. Many were audience to the warning, and Sameer quipped before Jatin, “Among all girls hanging out here, you had to like just this one?”

Part – 2

Being home alone and Shefali not being back to Mumbai as promised, weekend up the sleeve meant hanging around with cousin and her bandwagon of friends. She had to concede to the idea, as it meant an outing anyways. She regretted the decision when she realized the most happening place for her cousin meant a pub. Once again she had no idea how to deal with boredom, when somebody just called her name from some place. She turned around to see Ravi heading towards her way. They were batchmates at the Engineering College at Bangalore she did her Bachelors from. And he proceeded for an MBA at Mumbai. She was pleased to find a familiar face among a sea of strangers. He introduced her to his friends from the institute and they all sat together.

Tara, Ravi’s friend was busy texting a number which read, “You have no idea what goodness I’m gonna do for you. And you need to thank me always for the same!”

The next thing that Gauri knew was that the guy who came and sat across, was the one who tried talking to her, introduced his friend wrong and left immediately without a word! A couple of his friends followed as well, including Sameer. And well Jatin would need to be thankful to Tara always!

It was an evening that turned out to be good. Meeting Ravi, and talking to his friends, and the weird guy trying to make a conversation. And being caught staring at Gauri. Around 8 p.m. she left the pub, glad to head home and do what she loved the most. Her aunt’s place was to be her home as long as she worked there, and her first love had to be there. And she was pleased to return to the one hour session with the Chancellor Standard 5 piece drum-set that made her the drummer of the college band ‘Dhwani’ at Bangalore.

It was an amazing feeling to get to the house that has been her destination for 22 years, when summer holidays came knocking in school/college. That was like an added advantage of why she readily accepted her relocation to Mumbai in campus placements. An aunt’s place close by to her office and grand parents house to chill out on weekends. And today almost 2 weeks after landing in Mumbai, and the cousins gone away; Gauri felt good being at her grandparents place. She decided to go for a long evening stroll and reminiscence those years playing around with colony friends, catching cats and loving the fragrance of the place. Just when she was thinking about those fun games she played with Khushi, a girl who lived in the opposite building; who eventually became an athlete; she realized somebody come running behind her. She turned her back to face the person in defense. “Hey Gauri right?” said Sameer Kothari. He added in quick succession, that he was hanging around with some friends, when he saw her pass the colony closeby and decided to drop a greeting. Gauri smiled and exchanged greetings, when Sameer asked, whether he could walk with her if she were ok. She agreed, and they started walking not knowing what to talk. Sameer broke the silence asking her about her opinion about his music. She said it was good, and the band numbers were wonderful.  A large part of their talk drifted towards Sameer’s band called ‘Phoenix’, and the way he has been rocking around the Engineering colleges and creating a niche for himself. It was great for Gauri to associate with his ambitions about his music, although she kept it to herself about her being a drummer and musically connected too!

Gauri’s 30 minutes thought of stroll, turned out to be 2 hours. And it was nearing 7 in the evening, when she dropped Sameer to the by-lane that lead to his cousins’ house where he was on a stay for 2 days. She waved a good night, and started walking towards the road that lead back home. She was hardly some 50 meters, when some girls went by running around and pushing her hard. As she managed to keep balance, and turned around to see where the rush headed; it took around 2 minutes to realize the sticky situation. There were about 8 girls surrounding a guy, and he tried getting back and avoiding any confrontation. Gauri edged closer and realized Sameer was trying hard to be nice to the female fans that got excited seeing him. That look on his face and the eyes that showed shuddering helplessness. The next thing Gauri knew was she somehow managed to wiggle through the girls, and stood right in between Sameer and the fans. She kept persuading the girls to move away, some eventually did, when she raised her voice to a threatening pitch. Some still persisted, and out of sheer anger she just turned around facing Sameer and pushed him hard enough backwards to break the circle and drag him to a distance. The pure force was strong to deter the fans from persisting, and with the crowd growing on to watch the commotion, when Gauri felt Sameer would be safe; she walked away in a velocity of a pace.

Sameer had to run to catch up with her, and when he was walking with her; all the while Gauri looked away from him. They must have walked for 20 minutes with absolute silence. She reached outside her grand-parents home, and decided to call it a day. So she almost instantaneously said a good night, and walked away, retreating behind those trees that covered the view of the building.

Part – 3

The evening next, she was accompanied by her aunt and mum, to the society shopping place closeby. All the time that her aunt and mum were buying the groceries, she kept checking out the posters stuck at the walls around, and the people that crossed her. A while later she saw her mum talking to a middle aged man, who looked approximately mum’s age. They were laughing around, when her mum signaled her to join them. The man was introduced as Mr. Karmakar, who worked with mum, before she got married. And then Mr. Karmakar called out to 2 guys, one of which seemed familiar. When they grew close, Gauri kept staring at them; wondering about the strangeness. One was Mr. Karmakar’s son, and the other guy was his sister’s son. Before any introductions could be made, the other guy smiled and looked at Gauri, and said “Hi Gauri, how have you been doing today?” He proceeded to address others and said that they’ve met before and infact just had a chat while walking yesterday. The rest of the conversation followed in Marathi, of which Gauri couldn’t understand even one bit. She was always weak at learning new languages, so she simply backed away and started looking around. Sameer came up to her and asked her about her plans for Saturday. She was reluctant to answer that, and looked unsure of what to answer. Without any hint, Sameer turned to her mum, and added that he was a singer of a band, and they are organizing a show for some fund raising. It would be a great if Gauri came as well, and saw the band playing. Gauri tried butting in and refusing the offer; but her mum just nodded stating Gauri would indeed love to. Her protests fell on deaf ears. So it was planned that Sameer would pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

Sameer messaged Jatin in the night, saying he wouldn’t believe about what has been happening from past 2 days. And Jatin could as well get happier and look forward for Saturday. Sameer was getting a set-up fixed, for the two to meet.

Gauri kept protesting all the way, coming up with the idea that how could her mum be sure of the singer, and just allow her to go with him. Her mum replied that she knew Mr. Karmakar all too well, and his sister too. Plus she felt no signs of trouble with her going and attending a band’s performance. Her mum knew she could always protect herself very well, and her love for music was almost a life she couldn’t live without! In the night she called Shefali and updated her with the happenings, and all the while Shefali kept smiling. Shefali promised she’d be back before next weekend, but meanwhile Shefali had a work for Gauri, since the pub that she would go with Sameer was close to Shefali’s place. Gauri had to give an amount of 4000 to one of Shefali’s friend named Rajiv, who would pay the amount as her bills to her landlord.

Saturday afternoon started with a bang, the energetic ‘Phoenix’ rocking the Hard Rock Café, with livewire music. For people who were fond of metal, the place seemed like a heaven. Gauri chewed her cheek almost when the drummer of ‘Phoenix’ began his solo act, followed by Sameer on the electric guitar and the vocals. She almost wanted to get out there on the platform and do the beats. Meeting Sameer’s friends and finding Jatin too was somewhat annoying, yet she was so engrossed at the band’s performance that she largely ignored stray comments here and there. How the 2 hour jamming got over, nobody realized till the last song from ‘Phoenix’s’ album ‘Restructuring’ played! It was time to head to the place; Shefali said Rajiv would come to collect the amount. Sameer offered to take her to the place and she agreed since she wasn’t acquainted with the area.

They were 5 people stuffed in Sameer’s car, including Gauri. They went about chatting all along the way, till Sameer stopped the car some 50 metres from where Rajiv would come. There was a guy standing out there, but to what Shefali had described, the guy didn’t match. Gauri immediately called Shefali, enquiring whether somebody else knew she was coming to handover the money to Rajiv. Shefali refused, though adding towards the end, that Rajiv was in the office when she informed him! Shefali got tensed and asked her what was the matter, and advised not to go over until Rajiv came. Gauri sat there in the car biting her lips for 2 mins, before she asked Sameer to let her wear his Addidas sports shoes. He was taken aback, but since had no clue gave it to her. More surprises were in stock when she removed all the jewellery she was wearing – earrings, rings, and watch and placed it on the cars’ deck. Before she got out of the car, she looked at the surprised faces of Sameer, Jatin, and their two female friends. She coolly added that since this was their area, it would be great if none of them stepped out of the car, no matter what happened. And they wouldn’t receive any calls that were made to her mobile, which she placed next to her jewellery. By the time she turned and started walking towards where the guy stood, the second guy arrived, who looked more like the description.

Ten minutes into the talking, and Gauri kept getting calls from Shefali. Sameer had the instinct to pick it up, nevertheless his female friends reminded him of Gauri’s remark. Ten more minutes, and everybody were wondering what was taking her so long to just handover the 4000, maybe some formalities needed to be done. And that other guy short, little on the heavy side, wheatish and looking like a junkie kept approaching Rajiv and Gauri; who kept ignoring him. He went from the left and from the right and left again; only to be ignored. Meanwhile Gauri’s phone rang for the 20th time when Sameer decided to receive it, and put it on loud speaker. Shefali in a hurried and anxious tone enquired “Gauri why weren’t you picking?” when she was interrupted by Sameer stating that Gauri left the phone behind. To which Shefali questioned in half belief “What do you mean? Who are you? Sameer? Where did she go? Is that other guy also there? How long has it been?” With so many questions his way, he reciprocated saying “Yes I am Sameer, and the other guy is also there and she’s been out there for almost 20 minutes now”. Sameer and his friends weren’t sure, but they thought they heard a panic in Shefali’s voice and somewhat shaky and tearful when she spoke next in rapid explanation describing the other guy. Before Sameer could confirm her description of the other guy, one of the female friends shrieked and said “Oh Shit!!!” Immediately everybody turned towards the source of the reaction and Sameer cut the call.

Part – 4

Gauri pushed the other guy with so much force that he was thrown out of the pavement they were standing on. She then rushed to pull his shirt and dragged him to a considerable distance. When he tried resisting she kicked him with all the energy she had. He tried covering his face when she dragged him further down the road and started screaming at him, and kicking hard at him. People started gathering, but none tried stopping her; coz she started using all her self-defence lessons.

Shocked and stunned back in the car nobody knew how to react. It all just happened in seconds. There that other guy came in from the back and said something, which wasn’t ignored this time. Gauri took a sharp turnaround and lunged at him. And then followed the fights. Rajiv also didn’t see it coming, so he was equally shocked, but did nothing to stop her. Jatin raced out of the car, to try to intervene; but all he could do after reaching there was stand at the corner and try talking to her. The rest of them back in the car, kept wondering why wasn’t Jatin getting in between and doing diplomatic talks. Sameer had no option, but get out and do something. He asked Shreya one of his female friends to give her floaters to him, as he was shoeless at the moment. He rushed to the spot, stared at Jatin and held Gauri from behind. The next thing he knew was get an elbow in the stomach. She refused to let go off the other guy, and kept bludgeoning him with blows and kicks. With whatever she kept yelling at the other guy, it was pretty sure that the guy in some point of life at office had misbehaved with Shefali, which left her nervous for a couple of days. The reason behind the breakdown reached Gauri’s ears, and she swore that very day that whenever she would get the opportunity; she would kill him! Things were getting out of control when Sameer came all the way around her pushed her a little behind and stood between the other guy and her. For a moment Gauri was dazzled and kept looking back and forth between him and the car. Sameer chanced upon her confusion and pushed her farther away from the beaten up guy. She was fuming and looked like a mad bull and jerked her hand of his grasp, took one look around and started walking the road opposite to the beaten guy, eyes lowered down and head turned towards the right side; away from the glances of onlookers. She headed for the car picked up her stuff and her sandals and moved on ahead. Her pace was fast, and Sameer had to run once again to reach her and they walked in silence to wherever Gauri decided to take a turn and head straight. Sameer kept feeling awkward and uneasy like he did the day they walked together after she bailed him out. His thoughts were halted when he realized Gauri stopped walking and was standing near a park, and he had gone some distance ahead.

She broke her silence and looked into Sameers’ face, saying “I know that was a set-up back at the pub – Jatin and I. Hey look, am being nice to you just coz your mum is known to mine and I understand your music. But it would be great if you didn’t try indulging into something like this in future.” Sameer tried avoiding eye contact but somehow gave in and kept staring at her. She didn’t flinch even once and continued “Jatin looks intelligent but we can’t hang around together. He didn’t have the courage to even come closer when I was bludgeoning that jerk out there. He tried playing safe, and if this is how he is; never in his life will be able to tame my outbursts. As in for the afternoon, thank you for inviting me. I loved it! However things turned ugly later, of which you have been a witness.”

Gauri looked away finally and started walking away, turned around once and said “I had asked you not to get out of the car! You should have listened! I like your music, good luck for them!” Before Sameer could respond she flagged an auto and left off for home.

Part – 5

A week later, Gauri was fiddling with some music one late evening, when the door bell rang; and her mom asked her to come out and meet with somebody whose name was lost in between her loud music. She went to the living room, to find Sameer sitting there. He asked for a walk together. She was reluctant yet agreed. They went out together, and she was back home within 30 minutes; as he was spotted by enthusiastic fans and they felt it unsafe to walk more. They hardly spoke, besides her getting a call from Shefali who by then got to know the whole of the details from Rajiv. Shefali was returning on Friday night, and they decided to meet on Saturday morning.

Thursday morning she went to buy things from the store close by, when a guy came from behind and greeted her enthusiastically. She turned towards him, and questioned whether he’s shifted his base to this locality; now that he’s seen so frequently! He smiled looking sideways and said “Maybe this place just attracts me” and stared into her eyes. He walked her back home, and decided to chat with her mom for a while. By then her mom gave her the message that Shefali was expecting her Saturday morning around 10. Sameer added that since he was getting back home, Saturday morning too, maybe he could drop her there. Gauri couldn’t believe why this guy was working so hard to talk to her. And why her mom just kept giving in. She got tired rolling her eyes, and said ok.

Saturday morning they were off to Shefali’s place. Gauri looked fidgety on some occasions and calm and peaceful at others. She looked at Sameer and added that he better stay in the car when they reach. Shefali was already standing out almost on the roads, when the car halted. She didn’t look pleased even for a moment, and the moment Gauri stepped out of the car; Shefali sent a volley of angry words towards her. Sameer couldn’t tell whether Shefali was really too pissed off, or was it affection covered by anger. He decided to go with the former reasoning, after all whatever Gauri did with the other guy wasn’t highly appreciative! It continued for almost 10 minutes, and he wasn’t sure whether he should drive away. He kept wondering why wasn’t Gauri objecting or justifying herself. When Shefali could talk no more and felt like out of words and expression and her eyes started getting teary, Gauri moved towards her, held her hand and looking into her eyes said “Anything For You”. That moment touched Shefali and Sameer turned and drove away, who didn’t know how to deal with the emotion.

Gauri started with her work and the initial days were fun with not much of work, so she used to retreat very frequently to her drums. One of such days she was in her room, beating the rhythms out; when she was so engrossed; she never knew 3 people entered the room and were watching her perform. She might have drummed almost endlessly if she hadn’t seen an image of a person on the window. She looked around and froze, to find her aunt and Sameer standing there with some third guy, presumably Sameer’s friend. She gulped hard and felt like she’s just been discovered doing something nobody needed to know! When her aunt left the room, Sameer went towards her and gave one glance at the drum, and incessantly said “You are the drummer of my band! We will be performing a gig-night together next week at the Hard Rock Café. Practice starts tomorrow evening at Kunal’s place.” She was staring hard at him, unable to comprehend what he just said and he immediately asked her to drum at the leads he generated mimicking the musical tones.

Part – 6

Their first gig was a big hit, overtaking the crowd with their powerful energy, and the crowd liked the new drummer. He asked Gauri if she didn’t mind continuing with the band. She showed her willingness to be a part of ‘Phoenix’ by turning at his doors one weekend, and shifting her gear to his workplace. He dreamt of ruling the country with his music, and now with a strong team he was sure they would be making waves by the end of next year when he would release his third album. Meanwhile he had lots of work to attend, the prime being passing on his forte to Gauri and training her as his strong hand. Between those sessions, they stole sly glances of each other and grew in love. Their music spoke more of the blossoming of love, and the livewire the emotion created. Nothing was hidden from the people who knew them all around. Those days and months began to intertwine them among themselves in a bond tied by red strings so strong, they were quite inseparable. She acquired every soul of his into hers and laced it with her fragrance and gave it back to him.

It was time the third album was ready to be released, and by then she grew to become his bastion.

It was their third performance on the grounds of Mumbai post the album release, where ‘Phoenix’ would play their 3rd album. It was to be a grand evening, where the rock bands of Mumbai would perform to raise funds.

The crowds seemed to throng every inch closer to towards the stage, as every band performed. The ramp that was made to reach in between the crowd seemed threatening for anybody to just step onto it and walk away from the stage. Though many lead singers decided to not take the risk; when ‘Phoenix’ entered, Sameer decided to take a walk and feel the vibes. As they rolled out their numbers, it was the 4th walk up-down the ramp; and the crowd grew excited and overwhelmed the onlookers backstage. When Sameer decided to walk for the last song of their performance; he stole glances with his band members who certainly looked forlorn with the idea. Nevertheless Sameer inched towards the crowd, and in the final few stages when Gauri on the drums was doing a solo act; suddenly the crowd grew louder in the sound produced. A few squeals here and there, and the rest of the members of ‘Phoenix’ and hosts realized that the ramp just broke and a stampede happened at the face end of the ramp. Sameer fell somewhere in between, or what exactly happened no one was sure off! And to add to the panic some body just out of sheer excitement lighted some cracker which flew around and landed someplace where flames started rising. The ten thousand crowd that was there to have fun, rushed to find exit points resulting to severe stampede. Pleas made by hosts and volunteers fell on deaf ears. The security folks were also helpless and couldn’t control the situation.

‘Phoenix’ stood shattered and stunned on the stage, wondering where their lead singer disappeared. Horrified faces of theirs kept thinking of worst that could have happened, and almost instantly shaking their heads in disbelief and hope that Sameer would be fine someplace. Gauri broke in tears and kept persistently calling Sameer, but there was no answer from that end.

It took almost 3 hours for the Police and volunteers to clear out the crowd. Fire extinguishers took an hour to bring down the blaze towards one exit point, the firecracker had started. Ambulances were called and the badly injured were taken to the hospitals. Some suffered from burns, and were treated immediately. The whole atmosphere changed from the one of fun filled night to a mourning night. There was no news of anybody locating Sameer as yet. Other bands supported and stood for ‘Phoenix’ as long as it would take. Family and friends came and kept pleading the Policemen to keep searching and frequent announcements were made. Nevertheless the search started getting tiresome, and there was no news of Sameer as yet. The grounds were clogged in pockets with the injured and aid providers.

Part – 7

Gauri couldn’t take it anymore and insisted to go along with one of the searching parties. Before anybody could call onto her, she ran ahead calling continuously for Sameer! She kept finding people injured, and more injured. Calls kept going through but no familiar ring tone sounded any place. It was nearing midnight and search parties had given up, but Gauri wasn’t ready to call it a day, and she said to herself that he’s somewhere close around, to keep going. She had to make several false start calls back to the hosts, informing them of an aid needy person. The exhaustion was showing on her face, and when she couldn’t move any further; she looked around and shouted to herself prodding to go on. The accompanying search volunteers could see the tiredness on her face, and suggested once or twice that she retreat and they’d continue. But she would look around and shout again to herself to keep moving on. Several occasions she had her eyes filled to the brim with unstoppable tears, seeing the state the people were in. Her heart refused to let go, and her pulse raced harder with each person she turned over on the ground. And then retreating to a distance so that the doctors could take them away. She didn’t want to leave empty handed without finding him. So while the search party was assisting an injured person, she broke out of the circle and ran in each direction she could, checking out as many people as she could. Along with the runs she kept calling his name, and ran almost like she was doing a relay race in circles. Some search workers came assisting her, but she kept changing direction so frequently they didn’t know where she’d turn next. And then she just collapsed, crashing on the ground! With emergency calls made to the hosts, some odd 10 people were running in top speed to the distance where Gauri collapsed. When the first search party member closed in to the place, he realized Gauri clung on to the body and kept calling onto him. Sameer was immobile and lied calmly not trying to move any body part.

He could remember the snapping of the ramp, and falling before a huge crowd who got so excited with his proximity that they all started pushing hard, and he got so sandwiched in between that nobody could bail him out. They kept pushing him away from the stage, and then fires erupted. And he felt being tossed around by the same crowd that loved him!

Gauri kept calling onto him and sobbing hard, yet the happiness of seeing him alive made her just cling on tight to him. They were silent for long periods, and she kept looking to the right side while holding onto him, crying hard for some while and then serenity prevailed. They were transfixed in that position for odd 10 minutes, when nobody spoke anything, and Gauri kept away from looking at him; and rather towards the right. She turned to face him, staring into his eyes and reached to hug him, whispering in his ear “Anything For You!”

And Love Blossomed

Part – 1

Ayesha sat in her room, toying with the idea, whether she should persist and ask. Ever since she’s seen the videos and pictures, it always crossed her mind, to probe more. All of which lead to googling the name and see what all news can be scooped out. It all started two weeks back when accidentally she came across an Orkut profile, and just out of curiosity started digging into the profile. The guy had reached his limit of friends on the profile, which looked funny. The videos section, lead to the profile owners’ private-not so private video. The guy, Samanvay Sinha, turned out to be a singer, and the song sounded refreshing and fabulous. Two weeks was enough of a time period to find about Samanvay, his biography, photos, personal details, education, career line up, and girl friends. All seemed so perfect, a 26 year old, with good academics background, an engineer turned artist, a respectable job quit to pursue own ambitions, good looking, and a girl friend agreed to, in one of the articles she found on net.

Last three days went in doing a write-up about how she’d say it all discreet and subtle in a scrap to Samanvay; and then scrapping off the idea, feeling the absurdity involved in it. A person with so many fans, would he even bother to give it a look, and what if she’s wrong; would end being mocked at and a subject for laughter from whosoever read it.

Ayesha couldn’t hold it any longer, and decided that today be it the day, mockery or revelation, she’d just do it. While typing the verse she had decided, she could feel her heart thumping so loud. Even in the darkness and silence of the house resting through the night, she could visualize sharp bright red and white flashes of some energy in front of her eyes. Ayesha felt her stomach knot with whatever was just beginning to happen. She kept persuading herself, telling it’s just a scrap in an ocean of others. On completing it, she posted the scrap; telling herself nothing can be done now, what’s done is done. She gave a long disdain look at herself in the mirror and quickly clenched the big pink diary against her face and cried the night away, till tears refused to soak her pillow any longer.

It was pretty much a late rising for Ayesha on 11th October 2008. She pulled on her quilt and lay for another thirty minutes past 10:00 AM. She still felt weary from previous night, but had to make calls to her boss and update him about the gone week’s progress in the department in his absence. Post lunch hours, she decided to spend the day drowned in the songs by the new sensation Samanvay Sinha. She was alone in the house as she refused to go to some acquaintances marriage along with the extended family she resided with, in the Malik Villa. As the songs began to fill her head, she set the keys to the lock that guarded her precious moments of her life, in the big pink diary. Quickly flipping the pages, she read aloud what was transcribed on the page.

“Akdam tikdam jhakdam
Aankh kholke bhaagna
Main chupi hongi dur, bahut dur
Lekin mujhe khojna tumhara kaam
Girre to mat rona
Bas mera naam le lena
Half time karke
Phir se start karenge”
She felt disgusted immediately, and kept talking aloud. ‘So what makes you think Samanvay is ever going o respond to such idiosyncrasies posted by a frenzied fan?’ ‘A message which has no heads or tails and would mean nothing is under the scanner to be comprehended. Great work Ayesha!!! Pat your back!’ ‘Wow now you can monitor a series of such messages on his profile for a very long, long time!!’

Her useless ramble and the instinct to delete the scrap, was interrupted by a phone call from her boss, who was keen to understand the status of the advertising campaign designed for their Mumbai client.

Part – 2

18th October 2008, Ayesha was giving last minute updates to her clients in Mumbai, working from home. The brief times when the client would call for a break of 30 minutes every 3 hours, for breaks and discussions with their superiors, Ayesha would get lost in the ravaging jungle of thoughts she’s been having since messaging Samanvay, the new sensational singer in the country. She just didn’t get the opportunity to check on Orkut since her last login on 15th October, a Wednesday, with no activity at her page disappointing her and leaving her heart sink. Around 11:00 PM she wrapped up her work, had quick meals with Mom, who waited till she was done, kissed her good night; and headed straight to bed. A ‘just in case’ thought crossed her mind, and she opened Orkut with a sigh and no expectations. She clicked on her scrapbook and went to fetch water. After settling back on the bed, she glanced at the screen of her laptop removing her screensaver.

In the pitch darkness the only light that came was from the laptop screen tuned to the lower light displays. All Ayesha could hear was the fan of her system, and the loud flow of blood through her veins from the ear to the heart, heart to the hands, her left back till the very end of her left thigh. Ayesha suddenly required an inhaler, despite being non-asthmatic. Was she hallucinating, coz of too much of brain activity with the client? Or has she over read and over done over Samanvay Sinha?

Ayesha couldn’t believe her eyes, and slowly read what was messaged back to her. She suddenly wanted to scream in joy, wanted to throw things out of her table on the floor, wanted to just let out the stored energy. She read, and reread umpteen number of times. She picked her pink diary and flipped the pages back to where from she wrote that message. The next half was exactly what it had to be.

“Arre ghoos moos phoos
Meri aankhe khuli rehti hain hamesha
Tujhe main nahin khojta
Itni buri rhyming karti hain
Main jab bhi gaata hoon
Taali bhi nahin bajati
Tera naam leke kya karoon
Full time deta hoon
Gayab ho ja”

A sense of Deja-vu was filling her from inside, and then a new scrap showed, which read, “Saman se mili Ayes”. Ayesha could hear herself say ‘Oh My God, he’s online!!!’, and didn’t know what to do next. She waited for 5 minutes, thereafter surrendering to the idea of replying. She went back to his profile and saw he had deleted her previous scrap, and she was delighted. She wrote, “Aur poora hua Samanvay”. Immediately returning back to her page, and closed her eyes, as if meditating, for close to 10 minutes; but it seemed forever to her. Refreshing the page, a new message, a mobile phone number rested with no text to precede or follow.

She grabbed her phone, and typed the numbers, but took another lifetime to press the dial. With the ring she just couldn’t control her contentment, suddenly she felt like she was a 10 year old again, jumping and crying in joy as she played in the park with a friend. The mobile kept ringing the other end, with no heed to be received. The moments beginning to get tense and frightening. She cut the call, fighting back the tears and wondering whether she’s been fooled around and poked fun at. But how was it possible, how could ‘The Samanvay Sinha’ write that text. It all started confusing her, when her phone started vibrating, and she was getting a call from a new number. She checked and found it’s the number provided by him, and her mind started playing games, asking her to reason out. She gave up the fight and received the call. Silence prevailed, and she kept listening hard to notice any sound if at all. There was heavy breathing both ends, she thought she would die out of curiosity and paralysis of thought.

“Meri billi aakhon waali, pyari si Ayes”, said the voice from the other end. She couldn’t believe what she just heard, and heard herself crying, “Saman!!” They ended up crying together, uttering “Ayesha” and “Saman” in brief intervals.

Part – 3

Samanvay was at Vaibhav’s house for a night stay. All 5 band members of his band decided to call it a night at Vaibhav’s place, to discuss about the programming of their new album. It was nearly midnight and the group members were busy catching up with personal lives on the internet, when they heard a crash. They looked around to see Samanvay sitting in a slumber holding his head, and his mouse dangling from the other end of the table touching the ground. Tushar, the drummer of the band, rushed towards Sam, as the called him. He signalled the rest of the 3 to join in, and now Samanvay was crowded by Vaibhav and Raman, the guitarists, Mohit, the keyboard player. They saw streams of tears shining on his cheek. They shook him, and when he let go off his cradled head in his hands, he was still crying soundless. He just hugged Tushar, and said “She found me!” The guys didn’t know whether to be happy or sceptical and annoyed about the revelation. Raman instantaneously asked aloud, “Who’s she? Is anybody stalking you? Some fan acting weird?” eyeing the orkut page open on the desktop. Samanvay shook his head and replied, “My prayers have been answered, my life is back”.

All chorused and asked, “What are you talking about?” to which he replied “She found me!” It sounded confusing, but before anybody could probe further, Sam’s mobile started ringing. He didn’t answer it for long, thinking how he’d talk and would they still be able to relate. In the process he missed the call, and had to answer the quizzical faces of his band members. “It’s her, I just gave my number on orkut. I need to talk to her now”. He didn’t stay long enough to listen to “On Orkut???????” and headed to the balcony, settling himself against the walls, overlooking the Marine Drive at the 9th floor of the building. He felt safe with the fact, nobody here could see or hear him crying and going through the tumultuous brain activity, and seeing him weaken before a girl on the other line.

The world seemed to have paused, they felt like going back in the time machine, where everything was so beautiful and they were together. And today they were together again, and beginning to get their souls intertwined. The ecstasy was taking over them, for it was some 10 minutes and all they could utter were names.

Samanvay asked Ayesha, “Where have you been all these years? You never returned after that day!” Ayesha knew how difficult it would be to answer to that. She just closed her eyes and muttered, “But I found you again, and am so happy for that”. The words just didn’t make to the end of the line, all what poured were emotions and feelings. He said “life wasn’t the same since that day; I missed every moment without you around!” She said “I promise I won’t leave again!”

The night seemed so long that day, and they talked so less. Samanvay started laughing shortly later, and said, “Well you know I sing, but I don’t know anything about you, what you do these days?” Ayesha managed a smile and filled him in about her work as a marketing executive in one of the companies in Delhi. Then about what she did after school, her graduation. What are her parents doing now and their extended Malik family. After finishing her story she waited for him to begin his, though she read all she could after googling him. He said “Am like an open book, the whole world knows about what I did after school, and graduation.” She smiled and said “Yes the internet proved to be pretty resourceful in gathering details about him, and the innumerable pictures of his.” She admitted googling his name and the in depth research she indulged in before trying to be suicidal, messaging a strange verse from childhood years on his Orkut profile. He too admitted if it had not been that verse, he’d never recognize her. The so many times he would bump into some ‘Ayesha’ he would get hopeful, but be disappointed soon. Destiny had it in this one time!

Part – 4

The weeks and months that followed after the rejuvenating reunion, every night was spent together when each pulled out hidden chapters of their lives and moments, without each other, and what made them crave even more. The ways they created an imaginary replica of each other to survive those painful years. Those letters he wrote, not knowing where to address to; and that pink diary of hers which was christened as ‘My Saman’ by her. He spoke about his music and the salvation that it brought along to his soul. He talked about so many songs he wrote for her, and how one of the hit numbers of his second album was in her remembrance. He talked about his band members, his new friends and the old ones he’s in touch with. She reciprocated about the same line of thought. They spoke about their interests and hobbies and career progression.

One day Ayesha felt she just had to ask, so she fidgeted a little and blurted “Saman! You know after all these years I feel I am living again. And the idea of you being with me makes me smile at the world today. I feel like all the pain just evaporates when we are together. I know what this is turning into, a path where from we cannot return. And if God forsake anything happened again, I would be devastated.” Ayesha bit her lips and reluctantly continued “Saman! You do have a girl friend right? I read in one of the articles on the internet. Are we being fair to her? Doesn’t this sound like the beginning of an ugly ending?” Samanvay was silent for long and said “Ayes, do you remember Chaya? We used to call her Cha! The girl with too many poodles!” Ayesha replied with a snort “Yes how I hated her for winning those basketball matches at school always. How she used to bug me, when I wouldn’t listen to her poetic masterpieces. Cha poo Cha” Samanvay and Ayesha started laughing after she concluded her comment.

“Ayes, if it wouldn’t have been for the Gupta’s, everything would have been different today. In the crossfire between elderly Gupta’s, Sinha’s and Malik’s; we got caught in between. All the fights and scuffles, that we had nothing to do with, tore us apart! And nobody ever told what actually transpired, causing such havoc among families grown up together for three generations. That very day 10 years back, I can never forget, our families were at war on the streets of Sher-e-Punjab. Not one sane person could stop the blazing of ageless friendship and the nurturing relationships. We were asked to keep out of everything, coz we were kids, but that night I realized; things wouldn’t be the same again. When I saw you walk away with your parents, I for once believed we could still meet. And the days that followed, I went every evening to Bejanwala’s juice center; hoping you would be there too. I never saw you after that! The night of a June summery month, I rushed to your apartment, with Chaya on receiving the news; the Malik’s are leaving Mumbai for good. Only to find, the baggage was all gone, and so was the family. I couldn’t just believe how you went off, without promising you’d be back”, continued Samanvay.

After a minutes silence, Samanvay began, “Ayes, I cried the night to Chaya and kept telling her, how I’ve loved you every day and every night. How we fought for small things all those years we grew together. How I never took you sister like, while I went camping all around calling everybody sisters. How I loved the smell of your hair, and would run to catch a seat next to you in the classes. How I would always end up being in the opponent team to yours, at basketball, so that I could do a one-to-one with you. How the last pages of my notebooks was filled with your name, and I refused to share my notes with anybody. And love blossomed and filled my heart, pumping in your feel every second.” He choked and couldn’t continue further, letting her know, how much she meant to him.

Part – 5

They were crying together, like they smiled and laughed together. Samanvay told Ayesha that how in the days after she became absent from his life, he found comfort in Chaya. And how Chaya made it a point to never leave him even for a day, but the nights were always consumed in Ayesha’s thoughts and memories; he couldn’t dissolve in his grief. He tried his best to lead a happy and content life before his parents, but deep down he missed his life, coz his life was somewhere in Delhi unaware of his condition. So many times he wondered whether she loved him as much as he loved her. One fine day when he couldn’t bear the emptiness, he decided to make his career as a song writer, as writing felt like redemption. Samanvay said “I started my journey to become a song writer, ended up being a singer. What’s strange is the songs that were my pain, and written in remembrance of you, turned to be selling like hot cakes. And I became a rock star!”

“In all these years one pillar of strength I’ve always had along with me, has been Chaya. She helps me with my finances, as now officially she’s my financial advisor. One of the days when she was back in Mumbai, from London, we decided to hit some place for some time together. We were spotted together, and tagged by some over the board fan, who asked me whether I am seeing her. After a brief pause, Chaya confirmed that we were together”, stated Samanvay. Before Ayesha could acknowledge or even respond, Samanvay was quick to add on “After the fan left, Chaya looked at the bewildered me, and said, Sam till the day you meet up Ayesha again, you can safely go round telling people you have a girl friend! So nobody will bother you or worry you unnecessarily. And when Ayesha is back, all three of us can be together like in school.”

Ayesha managed a weak smile and mumbled “So Chaya is your girlfriend?” Samanvay continued, “Not anymore, she got to hear from my end, about my life being back. She wishes to see you when she’s in India next. And I too now yearn to meet you and see you. It’s been a decade, since I last gave my life a good look.”

The following months weren’t easy for Ayesha and Samanvay, coping with the all new love, stronger and more beautiful than when it began. The fears they shared upon the reaction they would get from their estranged families. One morning, in the month of March, the New Year had already set in, and the couple were looking forward to a change; Samanvay was woken up by a message in the early hours. It read “Saman, I am coming to Mumbai for 3 days, for a clients meeting. I will be in Mumbai, today evening. I will be at Bejanwala’s juice center at Andheri, if it still exists, around 7:00 pm. Love Ayes.” Samanvay was wide awake, and didn’t know what to do first, jump around or call up Chaya, or just close his eyes and feel the moment. He decided to pack his bag with those letters he wrote to her; and left for Chaya’s place after lunch.

Ayesha couldn’t contain her excitement, and her face glowed more than ever, with the thought of being with her love. Even the fear of being reprimanded by families, wasn’t anywhere close to keep her, from looking forward. The day of 13th March 2009, seemed to be the longest in her life. She’s never before experienced the knot in the stomach as fierce as it was today, or as it was when she left for Delhi 10 years back.

Ayesha reached Bejanwala’s juice center early, after receiving proper directions from her client’s office. She saw the center deserted and was wondering whether she was at the right place. She heard someone call her name in an unsure way. She turned around to see a woman who looked her age, and she herself being unsure, asked “Chaya?” Chaya laughed and hugged Ayesha, and commented “Hey cat eyes, you still look the same; those big green eyes, and a small nose, I could always pull you out from a crowd of thousands! You know how much I’ve waited to see you again. I am so happy for Sam, and you.” Chaya offered to get back to her place, as the center starts crowding post 7:30 pm; and with the high drama that would follow when Sam and you set eyes on each other, the crowd could go ballistic!! Ayesha gave a coy smile, and they headed towards Chaya’s house.

Part – 6

The continuous pacing across the hallway at Chaya’s place instantaneously halted when a car came and shrieked to a stop. Samanvay stood transfixed at the spot, and waited for the ladies to come in. Chaya walked in first, and then after a whole of 5 minutes came in Ayesha. She stood at the entrance looking ahead, and got transfixed as well. Suddenly the hallway was filling up with an aura unexplainable. It seemed like eternity engulfing the beings in that room. All motion ceased, and the only sound that came was the beats of the heart, and the flush of blood enter the brain, abyss the pretty faces. Next moment they were in each others embrace. It felt all so magical, to be able to gaze at the power that bound them. Now they weren’t two anymore, but one! Samanvay cradled her head and brushed aside her hair to see her eyes clearly. Ayesha wrapped her arms around his waist. They were speechless, and decided its best to not try; and just let the emotions flow out as in feeling and touch. They had so much to talk about, but felt it could be done later.

They had no idea how long they stood like that, when they were interrupted by someone who shouted, “What do you think you are doing?” It took them a moment to realise their moment was intruded by someone unexpected. They saw Chaya’s face recoiled in horror and looked across the other end to find, Abhishek Sinha standing with astonishment. Samanvay gave a surprised tone “Bhaiya?” Abhishek came towards them with such swiftness, for once Ayesha thought he would strike at them. Ayesha and Samanvay held hands close and tight. It suddenly felt their whole dream world fell shattered. Abhishek clearly seemed disapproving their reunion, and shouted at Samnvay “I always knew you had a thing about this Malik girl, the years you wrote secret things and hid them away, the songs, and the interest to know each Ayesha till a certain point.” The grip of the hands between them tightened. Abhishek looked at Ayesha and said “If you love Samanvay in true senses you have to leave immediately, before I call mom and dad, and your parents come to know too. And if you think you won’t, then you shall be the root cause for any tragedy that happens, like my dad getting a stroke.” Samanvay just couldn’t believe his ears, and shouted back “If you’ve known all these years I’ve waited for her, what makes you think your threats will break us. And what about dad getting strokes and all, nothing of that sort will happen ok! I will talk to them.” Abhishek couldn’t accept the open defiance, and said “Alright if that’s what you want, let me tell you we’ve been suspecting things for long, and they got confirmed this morning when you forgot to delete her message; so now all of Sinha’s know.” Abhishek continued “Well seems your moment is short lived now, mom dad are in the car waiting for my signal to walk in. So what you two can do is enjoy your last moments by doing whatever best you can!”

In came the whole of Sinha’s, and Samanvay tried cajoling them, but none seemed to reciprocate. He tried all ways he could, by reminding the closeness they shared once a decade back. When these tactics didn’t work he spoke about how much he and Ayesha loved each other, and couldn’t stand another heart break. But none of the Sinha’s softened. Chaya tried to persuade as well, and Ayesha was on the verge of begging. Ayesha kept wondering what went so bad 10 years back, that now they have to fight and beg, to keep their love alive. The final blow came when, Mr. Sinha announced that he’s a heart patient and is feeling uncomfortable, if all of this doesn’t end now, he’s worried a stroke may be on the way. It was like choosing between the people who’ve reared you and the girl who is his life, thought Samanvay. Ayesha looked at Samanvay and let go his hand and opened her bag, to fish out her pink diary. She looked at him, tears streaming down her face and said “This is My Saman, I give my life to you today, please take good care of him. And am sorry I couldn’t keep my promises.” Samanvay looked at her in disbelief and the words that were said, made him grip her hand again. Mrs. Sinha saw the extraordinariness in the moment, and addressed to Samanvay and Ayesha “We always knew from the day you were born, there was something about you too beautiful, that kept you close to each other. But bad things happened some years back, which we feel is not important for you to understand. We were aware always, none but the two of you were always the most affected. Nevertheless this is how it is supposed to be. You must let go each other, and start new lives.” Mrs. Sinha looked at Ayesha and continued “You should really go, and none of this would be told to Maliks. Please!”

Samanvay thought he would collapse any moment, he kept thinking about all these years without her, and how happy he was in the past 6 months they were together; and now again for a lifetime she would be gone. He pulled out a parcel from his bag and gave it to her. Just one last time they hugged each other and cried till Abhishek pulled Samanvay towards their end. When she started moving towards the door, she looked back longingly once more, and before she turned; Samanvay declared, this one is for you My Ayes, and he sang,
“I swear to you – I will always be there for you -
There’s nothin I wont do
I promise you – all my life I will live for you – we
Will make it through
Forever – we will be
Together – you and me
Oh n when I hold ya – nothin can compare
With all of my heart – ya know Ill always be – right
There
I believe in us – nothin else could ever mean so much
You’re the one I trust our time has come – we’re not two
People
Now – we are one – ya you’re second to none
Forever – we will be
Together – a family
The more I get to know ya – nothin can compare
With all of my heart – ya know Ill always be – right
There

Forever – we will be
Together – just you and me
The more I get to know ya – the more I really care
With all of my heart – ya know Ill always be…
Ya know I really love ya – ya nothin can compare
For all of my life – ya know Ill always be – right
There”